In the Lord's Prayer we read, "And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Matthew 6:12.

It is a sobering thought to contemplate that our own forgiveness is in some way bound up with our forgiveness of others. This is seen not only in Matthew's rendition of the Lord's prayer, but also in Luke 11:4 "And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us." The same truth is repeated throughout the gospels:

Mt 6:15 "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Mt 18:35 "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

Mr 11:25,26 "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses."

Lu 6:37 "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:"

There are two general views of this truth with regard to our salvation; 1) Our salvation is dependent upon our forgiveness of others. 2) The genuineness of our salvation is evidenced by our forgiveness of others. I, along with most believers I know, subscribe to the latter view.

How far can our obligation to forgive be taken? The examples of scripture seem to indicate that we must forgive completely, even as we have been forgiven.

Luke 17:3-5 "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. 4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. 5 And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith."

Indeed, we certainly need greater faith to meet the standard of seven-times-daily forgiveness. How much more do we need to match the example of Matthew 18?

Mat 18:21 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took [him] by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

To initiate a divorce after purporting to forgive is impossible - for it requires remembering and holding against. If we have forgotten our spouse's offense against us, in the manner of God's forgiveness of us, how is it possible to initiate an action based on that offense?

Someone will point to examples in which God is said to forgive and yet to act in judgement against the one forgiven. For example, Moses was a great man of God, undoubtedly redeemed - yet God judged Moses by not allowing him to enter the land of promise. We must then ask what was the basis for God's action of judgement against Moses?

We run into difficulty when we fail to distinguish between punitive and corrective action. Into which category does God's treatment of Moses fall? This was corrective, or chastening action. Additionally it had typological significance. In contrast, God's judgement against Dathan and Abiram was decidedly punitive.

Applied by God's hand, either punishment or chastening may be permissible. However, punitive action is not possible - even at the hand of God - if there has been forgiveness (Heb. 10:18). Forgiveness and divorce are therefore mutually exclusive options. It is disingenuous to say "I forgive" and then to initiate divorce. To divorce is to repudiate genuine biblical forgiveness because the consequence of biblical forgiveness is judicial notice that the penalty of punishment has been satisfied.

The only possible alternative remaining is chastening. Chastening is only appropriate in a parent-child relationship (Heb. 12:7). The application of chastening is never appropriate of one spouse toward another. If chastening is required, as it most certainly is in the case of the adulterer, the wounded spouse must rely entirely upon Father God to perform such chastening, even as siblings must rely on their parents to mediate in disputes with other siblings.

In Luke 7:41 and 42 we learn that greater love goes hand in hand with greater forgiveness. If we have been forgiven, our love for the Lord who has forgiven us will overflow in love and forgiveness for our spouse.

In Philemon 1:18, Paul gives us another prototype for forgiveness: "If he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account." These could as well be the Lord's words to us relative to a spouse who may have injured us severely by adultery. Because adultery is an irremediable offense, one which can only be satisfied by penalty of death, we have no recourse in forgiveness but to apply that offense to the Lord's account. To say that we forgive, while not accepting back that forgiven spouse, is to cast aspersion on the price of forgiveness paid by our Lord.

There is a play on words in Greek in the realm of divorce and forgiveness. Curiously, two of the words for divorce, which literally mean "sending away", are also used to signify forgiveness.

My choices are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE; I cannot claim to forgive (send away) my spouse's sins while at the same time divorcing (sending away) my spouse!

If the SIN is dismissed (forgiven), it is no longer possible for me to dismiss (divorce) my spouse. Therefore, putting away my spouse is prima-facie evidence that I haven't put away my spouse's sin, and thus that I do not truly enjoy the forgiveness of my own sin as taught in the scriptures previously cited.