I Thought I Was Going to Die

It’s a winter day. The waves are breaking pretty big and quite abruptly at Warm Water Jetty. I go out anyway, mostly confident in my skills and in God’s careful watch over me. I catch some waves, but the current is moving me gradually north.

I’m on the north side of the jetty now, working my way back out through the pounders after a good ride. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, a big slammer pops up right in front of me. There’s no place to go and no time to catch my breath. The massive wall of water falls hard on me and I suddenly find myself tumbling, out of breath and out of control in the cold and dark.

As a rule I don’t panic in situations like this; but I’m caught so completely off guard and unprepared. The tumbling won’t stop. I don’t know which way is up, and I am desperate to breathe.

God! Where are you? Is this it? Is this how I’m going to die? How could you let me go like this?

I feel the fear, colder than the winter ocean, twisting my heart. How could God do this to me?

Just as I am about to abandon all hope, the vortex releases it’s grip on me and my head breaks the surface. I suck in great shuddering gulps of air and strike towards shore.

I am filled with remorse, with shame for my witless thoughts. O Lord, please increase my faith. When my time does come, grant me the grace to trust in your lovingkindness without question.